Experiência de um cochilo num sábado qualquer

Aquele momento em que você acorda assustado de um cochilo. Parece que seu corpo estava ali jogado há dias. Sua mente há tempos desligada. Olha o relógio e passaram-se 10 minutos.
Voltar à consciência não foi como de costume. Estava assustado. Não entendia direito onde eu me encontrava logo ao tentar abrir os olhos. As imagens se formavam meio que borradas em minha mente. Dificultava interpretar o cenário. Esperei um pouco até alguma coisa fazer sentido. Depois fiz umas duas tentativas de levantar a cabeça do travesseiro até conseguir de fato me sentar na cama, respirar e entender: estava acordando de um cochilo no meu próprio quarto.
Deitei sob efeito de cansaço. Acordei sob efeito de loucura.

What you want most

“The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now” – Zig Ziglar

everything you say

“Everything you say to someone else is for your clarity, not theirs – you are presenting yourself, to yourself, for yourself at every moment” – Bryant McGill

you can’t force another person to change

“it is important to remember that there is no way to guarantee a particular outcome. You can’t force another person to change, or to do what you want. Moreover, if you define success by what you can get others to do, you cede to them control of the outcome and set yourself up for aggravation. Your goal should be to do the best you can to fuel a productive interchange and to make sure as best you can that your own actions aren’t part of the problem and somehow contributing to the other’s reactions.

While it’s hard to give up this illusion of control, doing so is the firtst step toward finding an approach that helps.” – Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

Separating impact from intentions

When they say, “Why were you trying to hurt me?” they are really communicating two separate messages: first, “I know what you intended,” and, second, “I got hurt.” When we are the person accused, we focus only on the first message and ignore the second. Why? Because we feel the need to defend ourselves. Because Leo is so busy defending himself, he fails to hear that Lori is hurt. He doesn’t take in what this all means to her, how hurt she is, or why these issues are so painful. Working to understand what the other person is really saying is particularly important because when someone says “You intended to hurt me” that isn’t quite what they mean. A literal focus on intentions ends up clouding the conversation. Often we say “You intended to hurt me” when what we really mean is “You don’t care enough about me.” This is an important distinction.

Separating impact from intentions requires us to be aware of the automatic leap from “I was hurt” to “You intended to hurt me.” You can make this distinction by asking yourself three questions: 1. Actions: “What did the other person actually say or do?” 2. Impact: “What was the impact of this on me?” 3. Assumption: “Based on this impact, what assumption am I making about what the other person intended?” – Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

Shame

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable—it’s the total opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy.” ~ Brené Brown

Energy between people

“The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ~ Brené Brown

Fé, um embrulho fechado

“Trazem-me a fé como um embrulho fechado numa salva alheia. Querem que o aceite, mas que o não abra. Trazem-me a ciência, como uma faca num prato, com que abrirei as folhas de um livro de páginas brancas. Trazem-me a dúvida, como pó dentro de uma caixa; mas para que me trazem a caixa se ela não tem senão pó?” – Livro do Desassossego, Diário de Bernardo Soares, Fernando Pessoa